As I walked into the door I was surrounded by love, children and dog love that is! I was home from a long day of work and the relief from the cares of the outside world usually just fade away as hugs and dog paws embrace me. Some how my husband manages to sneak his way through the waist level crowd and greet me as well. This day was no different until I looked, really looked at my daughter. She had already turned around and in her wonderfully bouncy foot steps she walked away. Yet something was different - her hair! My heart sank to my gut as I realized she had cut her own hair. I looked at my phone and saw that the teacher had sent email, which I hadn't thought about reading until that moment. Sure enough, she cut her hair in school.
My family comes from a line of awful hair. We don't have thick locks, we don't have curls in our locks we have very fine hair. I am fortunate that my fine hair is the best of the families. My hair grows and is strong. My daughters hair is not. It is fine, it easily breaks and it looks bad. We have trimmed it; we have tried to style it and we have had no luck. But what breaks my heart is that she did it because she "hates" her hair. She "hates" her hair. She wants long hair so badly that I have crocheted her hair wigs. She wants long hair so badly that she cries.
We have always tried to teach our kids that it doesn't matter what you look like and that your style can be whatever you like. We have tried to have conversations about diversity and we have a lot of books that we read about diversity; but she longs for different hair, better hair, longer hair. When we went to get her haircut to something that didn't look like a kid took scissors to their own hair we were met with support. The kind hairdresser who encouraged her looks and her "sassy" cut; the stranger in the grocery store that didn't know she just got her haircut but came up to her and said "your haircut is so cute, I love it!" (a God moment for sure); the family who have offered love and of course those at school who have said good things have all supported her. Yet, she feels bad.
So we sat together at the salon getting short hair cuts together - me getting 10 inches cut off to donate! As the hair went flying and the locks of hair fell to the floor we share in this experience that changed who we are. We are defined as women in this society by our looks. Even when we don't want to be. Even we try to break the mold. We are defined by our looks and a part of that is our hair.
It seems unfair that along the way she got this message that hair has to be long and thick and yet my girl who seems like a fashionista has picked this up. We are all apart of God's creation - hair or no hair. All creatures great and small, all people black and while, all things seen and unseen, God made us all. How important to instill God's love for us to our children. That no matter who we are or how we look God loves us. No matter what - unconditional love is ours!
Our God loves us - every hair on our head and even those that end up on the floor. We should be able to find God's love. As I sit here several weeks after that moment I realized her hair was doomed to a pixie cut I hope that we (my daughter and I) have grown. Grown in our understanding of God's love but also grown in our giving of God's love. As we got our hair styled, she exclaimed: "Thanks Mom, I love you." She knew I was making a sacrifice for her, cutting of over 10 inches of hair. It was worth it.
I wish we lived in a society in which judgments were not made; for we are reminded throughout the bible that we are not to judge. I wish we lived in a world in which woman's hair was not a part of their identity and my daughter was not consumed with "hate" for hers that does not conform to the norm. I wish we lived in a time when difference and diversity was celebrated instead of feared. I wish that for my daughter she could live in a world in which God's love was truly felt each and every day. Where each person was like that women in the grocery store - doing God's work in the world.
But we don't. So as the locks of hair fell I continued to take my vow to God that I will do all I can to make sure those around me feel and know God's love. That all creatures, all peoples, know that they are wonderful just the way they are. I will continue to spread the Word and Love of God and hope that one day she will accept herself for the amazing, talented, creative, compassionate, surprising, bouncy person she is!
