I'm starting this one out with a confession of sorts. You see, my family (extended family that is) has been lying to one member for the last 2 1/2 years. We had a death and at the same time this person was in a difficult place and emotionally pretty depressed. As we were trying to help this person, we felt that the news of the death wouldn't be good - these two hadn't seen each other in a while and it isn't like they talked on the phone. So it seemed pretty harmless to just neglect to tell them. Well 2 1/2 years later, we as a family have still failed to bring this up - partly because there are still some difficult times and partly because we have dug ourselves into this hole and we don't want to be alienated when we admit the truth. For most of us (myself included) haven't been truly involved in the lie, we know about it and continue to keep up the facade. But we are being asked a lot - for I feel incredibly guilty and in trying not to have to lie about the lie I avoid topics that could lead to conversations that would result in the question "so how is ----- doing?" Luckily I only see this person a few times a year!
The reality is that no one should have lied - but you see technically no one did...we have just fail to tell the whole story - we have failed to reveal knowledge that we have and have covered up an event. And I think that is one of the worst types of lies...
Lies break down relationships and get in the way of us being able to have full and meaningful relationships with people. And it isn't just the lies that come out of our mouths - like lying about the car you drive or where you work, cause those types of lies usually are revealed. It is the smaller white lies or the things we omit from our stories that are the worse types of lies. It is the silence that our relationships are broken down or worse it is in the rumors that the silence creates.
In my current work at two churches, we discovered a misappropriation of funds. One church was misusing the relationship and the funds that were generated by this relationship. As realities of this situation began to unfold the fall-out has become quite personal. As always the messenger is usually the one who takes all the bad emotions or the grunt of the pain. As we are still working this out, we have had mediators and advice from those "higher up." But in the end, the congregations have mostly been left in the dark. I have been left to believe that I'm not to say anything, as if I do it looks like personal attacks on the individuals at hand - even if it is factual truths. When I preach, I am accused of scolding people from the pulpit (hmmm is my sermon hitting home?)! And so I was asked to not preach for several months...
Now, because of the silence and not speaking - giving is down, attendance is down and those who continue to bully are feeling justified because to them this suggest people are siding with them.
But the sad truth is, the relationships are broken because of the silence, because within that silence rumors have prevailed. Because within that silence the "death" has not yet been proclaimed and yet everyone knows that things are different and not the same.
Because we have two churches and this is only happening in one, things are made worst because I am being accused of giving favor to one church - which all-be-it I probably am. But not because I like them better, but because I wasn't asked to stop preaching there.
At the end of the day, even if the "lie" or the silence is kept in order to spare feelings, or to help subside a situation - relationships still pay for it. And it can still eat away at a good thing. At then end of all of this, it is better to be honest and to tell the truth then to continue allowing the silence to rule and the "death" to go unattended or addressed.
